i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
