marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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