All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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