so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
