Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
