So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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