She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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