Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
