dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
