Me too!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
