I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
