Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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