just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
