I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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