When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I am available for nakedness
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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