I have demons in me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
