Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
