hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
