New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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