What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
