the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
