good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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