thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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