she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
