Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
