I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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