Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
