She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
