she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
