I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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