The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is Oprah even human
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
