I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
