Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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