Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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