Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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