Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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