Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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