you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
