Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
