and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Hippo gnu deer
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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