I just cut my nipple shaving
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
