he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
