3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
