What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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