The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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