She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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