I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
someone owes me an orgasm
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
