oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
