I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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