What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
my poor anus
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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