Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
