If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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