After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
