I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
