Welp...herpes.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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