Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
