called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
