i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
