uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
