I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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