Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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