just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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