I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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