One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You ruined the universe
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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