I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
