my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I will pee on everything he values.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone came in the potted fern
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
