There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Sorry about my life...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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