So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
