Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
