he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
