I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
