..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize