The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
