just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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