He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
