I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
