I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
