I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
