THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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