I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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