I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
