i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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