There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I would fuck him just for his dog
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
