I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i came on her dog
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
This toilet bowl is my home.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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