i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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