yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
