So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
