Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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