he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
