You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
