I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
