Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
