how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
