There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
