please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I will pee on everything he values.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
